It's Like Turning In Your Best Friend...

 “Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.” - www.ncadv.org

When I interviewed the “survivor” that I based this piece on, I asked her various questions. However there was one answer in particular that launched my piece in an unexpected direction.

The question I asked her was: “So did you ever call the police?”

Her response: “It is hard to report your abuser, because simply put, you are turning in your best friend.”

Wow…right? Not the answer I was expecting. Best friend?! Of course…that makes sense. 

It is not like her abuser was unknown to her…(these were my initial thoughts)

I believe that often times the “domestic” is forgotten in domestic violence….the abuser is not a stranger…but an intimate partner…a father…a first love….a best friend.

By hearing her perspective a sense of empathy developed in my piece….and it was through empathy that I believe this fight against domestic violence will prevail. 

-Robbie

(Share your thoughts....they matter)

Is Violence A Choice?

When I was writing this piece I was intrigued by how loving relationships turn violent? And while my work is a quest in answering this complicated question, what I do believe is that people are NOT "born" abusers.

My truth is...violence emerges...

It is a choice. In any relationship...intimate are not...we have two choices when the inevitable presence of change appears...cause it always does and always will. Nothing is constant. Therefore we can: (1) Accept change and choose to allow it  to create a stronger fusion or (2) Reject change and choose to allow it to erupt.

"Rejection leads to suppression and suppression leads to eruptions"

-Robbie

Share below...I am eager to here your truth....your voice. 

Is violence a choice?

Violent Behavior is an Abuser's CHOICE

Reasons we know an abuser's behaviors are NOT about anger and rage:

    * He does not batter other individuals - the boss who does not give him time off or the gas station attendant that spills gas down the side of his car. He waits until there are no witnesses and abuses the person he says he loves.

    * If you ask an abused woman, "can he stop when the phone rings or the police come to the door?" She will say "yes". Most often when the police show up, he is looking calm, cool and collected and she is the one who may look hysterical. If he were truly "out of control" he would not be able to stop himself when it is to his advantage to do so.

    * The abuser very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If he were "out of control" or "in a rage" he would not be able to direct or limit where his kicks or punches land.

Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

Myth #1: They Just Don't Leave

Myth: Victims of domestic violence never leave their abusers, or if they do, they just get involved in other abusive relationships.

Fact: Most victims of domestic violence leave their abusers, often several times before they succeed. It may take a number of attempts to permanently separate because abusers use violence, financial control, or threats about the children, to compel victims to return. Additionally, a lack of support from friends, family members, or professionals, such as court personnel, law enforcement officers, counselors, or clergy members, may cause victims to return. Since the risk of further violence often increases after victims separate from their abusers, it can be even harder for victims to leave if they cannot obtain effective legal relief. While some victims may become involved with other partners who later begin to abuse them, there is no evidence that the majority of victims have this experience.

http://www.padv.org/documents/Myths.pdf

There is no prototype when it comes to "who" may fall victim to domestic violence. Believing myths such as this makes domestic violence a "their" issue...when it is actually "our" issue. It is time we "believe" in the reality, develop a sense of empathy, and fight this viscously.

~Robbie